I'm a Wife, I'm a Mum, I'm a daughter, I'm a Friend and I'm A coach
It was winter 2013.
There seemed to be something in the water or maybe the kids were getting to a certain age, but relationships seemed to be breaking up left right and center. What looked like great couples just a few years ago were suddenly starting to file for divorce.
And even worse, I could feel the tug of time and babies on our relationship too. Whilst we were still good on so many levels I also knew that we had been better. More connected. More in love.
What was going on? How did this happen? And how could we get back to where we were?
As a leadership coach I believe there is an answer to any problem out there and you just need to do your research. Being an avid reader I started reading a gazillion books on relationships. Some of them resonated more, some of them resonated less, but all of them left me with a lead to the next one. I could feel I was getting closer and closer to the heart of love and yet, there was still something missing.
Whilst I totally agreed with David Schnarch that we had to balance our individuality with our need to be together and 'differentiate' in the process, and with Gary D. Chapman that there were ‘Five Love Languages’, I still had this feeling that there had to be something more. If this was the solution then why was I still stuck in some of these unhealthy and unhelpful behaviours and thought patterns. Why would Sean and me still get caught in the same old fights?
The Answer: Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)
The answer came when I read Dr. Sue Johnson's book 'Hold Me Tight’ and I learnt about our innate need for a strong emotional bond with our loved one. And how in a world where we live further and further apart from friends and family a weak emotional bond can cause havoc in our most meaningful relationship.
So when yet another friend was on the brink of divorce I recommended Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to them, curious to hear how they got on.
Fast forward a few months and this same friend gushes about how amazing the process was and how they ended up more in love than they probably had been even when they started dating. She was telling me about this renewed deep loving connection, forgiveness and this incredible ease to solve their previously ‘insurmountable’ problems.
I was hooked and decided to sign up for an Externship in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in Berlin. The tools I learnt there were so amazing that I decided to add ‘couples coaching’ to my previous leadership focus and I’m now helping couples ‘baby-proof their relationships’ and ‘expat-proof their relationships’ through coaching and running ‘Hold Me Tight’ Weekends in Delft.
As Susan Scott sais in her book 'Fierce Conversations': Our relationships (lives, businesses, governments) succeed or fail gradually, then suddenly.
Don’t wait until it’s too late.