The first is the one that got you here in the first place. Our need for relationship/togetherness. Our need for a companion to double our joys and half our sorrows. The promise of shared experiences, friendship and intimacy.
The second one is our need for self-regulation/individuality. Our need to be true to ourselves, to stand up and go after what we believe in.
During the infatuation phase most of us can't get enough of togetherness. We spend every free minute together, share burgers, books and bed. Sooner or later our need for self-regulation/individuality returns though. And the longer it has been pushed under the carpet the more forceful it will rear its head. You feel the need to assert yourself once more and you suddenly start disagreeing on stuff. And where previously you were able to find a compromise fairly quickly you're now stuck because both of you won't budge.
Some people see this as a maturing process of their relationship and embrace the necessary difficulties even if they take time and seem impossible to over-come at the time. Others, people whose self-worth is dependent on being loved, liked and supported by their partner (read most of us) will feel scared, alone and misunderstood. And instead of becoming closer they end up more distanced (emotionally or physically) if not separated. They feel like their partner is blocking their individuality and only if they leave their partners can they be themselves once more. Instead of growing within the relationship they run.
But running is not really an option if we want a lasting and more fulfilling relationship. So what now?
Let's take a look at our alternatives in my next blog.
To your happiness,